Sa Caleta, Hisaronu Gate Aparthotel

TRANSFER FROM AIRPORT:

This depends on how many other resorts the transfer coach will need to go to before Sa Caleta. It took us about 1 hour and 15m minutes as it dropped at Cala Blanes, Los Delfines, Cala Blanca and Cala n Bosch (where almost of the coach got off).

THE APARTMENTS:

The Hisaronu Gate Apart Hotel is clean and FAIRLY spacious, BUT, they say "sea view" rooms!! There is ONLY ONE sea view room (No. 26 I think), which is the top floor apartment at the far end of the block overlooking the swimming pool. You can JUST see the sea over the trees and make out the mountainous Majorca on the horizon. ALL other apartments DO NOT have a sea view, so unless you're the lucky one (of about 80 apartments) don't bother asking for a sea view.

The one bedroom apartment we had was cleaned every other day. On one cleaning day you get clean sheets, then about 2 days later you get clean towels and it alternates like that. The website (www.vmenorca.es) states you get a cooker, but YOU DON'T GET A COOKER. The kitchen (separate broom cupboard) consists of a 2 ring electric stove a small non-rotating microwave, a kettle (which boils in stages) and a 2 slice toaster. We ended up moving one of the beds into the living room, as our 6 year old had the bedroom to herself and we had the living room. The sofa had a pull out bed underneath with fold out legs, but I (yes my wife had the bed) found the sofa bed mattress uncomfortable.

THE COMPLEX:

Consists of (technically) 5 pools. The main pool, with a side section, a small pool that incorporates the water slide (pah! Don't get excited), a deeper small pool the entertainer uses for water polo matches, and the 30cm deep kids paddling pool, which is set away from the main pool area. Sun beds were GENERALLY in plentiful supply, and there were also enough parasols. The entertainment is CONSTANT through the day. The main/only entertainer reckons he's the spitting image of Denzil Washington!! He was on the go ALL DAY and ALL EVENING! I take my hat off to him for his energy. He would arrange each weeks entertainment consisting of things like killer darts, archery, water polo matches, rifle shooting, karaoke, football, table tennis, boules and shuffleboard. Most took place in the lunchtime/mid-afternoon slots (12 - 4pm), then from 7 it's a nightly kids mini disco (kids can dance to pop music on the stage by the swimming pool), then they have a free bouncy castle a couple of times a week, and then at 9pm they have "medal time" where he presents the winners medals from the days activities. At 10pm (ish) it's usually the main entertainment, which may be a band, some flamenco dancers, a singer, dancers or even a parrot show!! After all that it's just a bit of music before the evening ALWAYS finishes at 12am. If you're an early to bed person there will probably be no apartments far enough away to be quiet enough. It also doesn't help if you get noisy neighbours at 1am like we did a couple of times. The kids play area is a JOKE though!! It was basically ONE climbing frame. I suspect there has been other equipment, as looking at the apartments website, some pictures have kids playing on a slide and there is a blank area in the play area where I think there WAS a slide, but not now. The kids club that First Choice run was (in my opinion) also a JOKE!! It was basically a large shed at the far end of the complex that had NO air conditioning and had the kids drawing etc for the 3 hours. It's open each day, but it must have been an absolute sweat box for them. The complex has an on-site supermarket about the size of your average small corner shop. It stocks most things, including water, alcohol, milk (English and Spanish), fruit and veg, food (including baby food, crisps, snacks household goods, and also English newspapers - usually red tops, and also the Mail and Express. Although no serious papers). The newspapers were SOMETIMES there for 9am opening, but also didn't turn up until at least 11am. If you fancy a better choice, my suggestion would be to take an 8 minute walk round the one way road where there is a "Betterbuy" supermarket (opposite the Prins Hotel) that had LOADS more choice and was cheaper.

The reception staff speak perfectly good English, but I did try to speak Spanish to them, much to the embarrassment of my wife! The complex also has a small arcade games room with a couple of Kung Fu type games, and also TWO internet PC's that you can use for 1 Euro for every 10 minutes.

The beach is EASILY accessible at the back of the complex through a small gate and down a very rutted rocky slope (no pushchairs here). The beach seemed occupied mostly by residents, but it was open to anyone, as there were other entrances to the beach. It felt like the complex's own personal beach though!! The beach has a small hut that sells drinks and ice creams, and the chap will come round when you get there to collect the 3 Euros for each sun bed and parasol you use. The waiters are really friendly. Most speak English, but again I tried the Spanish "lingo". The menu was the usual pizza and chips and burger and chips etc., but they also had spaghetti bolognese, lasagne, pork and chicken dishes and Paella. One night there is a BBQ (which you MUST reserve your table for, as it is REALLY busy that night). There are also pay phones to use (though there are also LOADS of pay phones away from the apartments).

THE RESORT:

VERY quiet. Not a lot going for Sa Caleta. Round the corner there is a "commercial centre" with a fairly decent souvenir shop, a Spanish/English restaurant, another bar, a car hire place and an Irish bar (which tended to show all the SKY football that was on). Across the road there was also OCEAN'S fish restaurant, complete with bouncy castle for customer use, and that was about it!! There is a very large hypermarket, but this was about a 25 minute walk each way, so my advice would be to visit this if you hire a car.

One point that I don't think anyone had mentioned before is the new Cuitadella by-pass that opened while we were there (Mid May 06). We hired a car, and we had to skim the outskirts of Cuitadella to get to the main road that runs through the island, but the following day they had opened the nearly complete road that avoids Cuitadella completely, and it comes out about 5km outside the town. My advice would be to travel to some of the other resorts by using the BRILLIANT "Red and Yellow" Torres buses that go all over the island. A 5km trip to Cuitadella from Sa Caleta was a set rate of 1 Euro 20 cents (about 80p). You pay the driver going, but you need to buy tickets from the wooden ticket booth at the bus "square" in Cuitadella for the journey back. They ran every 20 - 30 minutes. You could probably get to practically anywhere on the island using a combination of buses. We went to Cala n Bosch down in the bottom left hand corner of the island. We were DUMBFOUNDED by the resort, and we were GUTTED we didn't book Cala n Bosch with all the MANY restaurants and bars around the MAGNIFICENT marina. The main apartment/Hotels were also just round the corner overlooking the sandy beech. This was a resort with EVERYTHING within about 200 yards, and if your are going to Cala n Bosch and are afraid of missing the World Cup (which was why I went in May), a lot of the bars (The Britannia, Chaplins Bar, The Bowling Bar - complete with a 4 lane bowling alley) ALL showed SKY sports, and would therefore have BBC and ITV.

SHOPPING:

Menorca has A LOT of leather shops/factory outlets dotted around resorts, and also on the main road that runs the length of the island. There are also a few Lladro outlets, including a BIG Lladro shop on the main road.

If you're in Sa Caleta and you are a smoker, your best bet would be to use the machines, as I overheard another resident (Dave Stewart look-alike from Eurythmics) moaning that the only tobacconist close by was in Cuitadella. The on-site shop was OK. The Betterbuy shop round the corner was better, but the Hypermarket was best!

THE REP'S NIGHT!

I don't want to sound condescending, but, It was ABSOLUTELY ABYSMAL!! 126 Euro's (about £85 for myself, my wife and 6 year old). We were told it was so unmissable, but now I think it is so VERY much missable!! The only upside was that it was 5km up the road. It was supposed to be ALL of First Choice's reps putting on a show complete with a 3 course meal. Well, when the coach got there, my first thought was "but this is some old shack in the middle of nowhere"! It was supposed to be a nightclub. We walked in, and to be fair it did look fairly well kitted out, but then I was "accosted" by a waiter who seconded as a doorman, as he demanded to see our tickets and then INSISTED our 6 year old go off to some kids club when she wanted to sit with us (we didn't pay for her to go in some kids club). He let us in after asking us twice, and after us saying NO twice. We sat down at a long 20 seater table (there were 3 tables of 20), and we were then subjected to THE MOST SUBSTANDARD food EVER!! The starter was 2 slices of packet Melba toast with pate and shredded lettuce, with 2 slices of tomato, ONE slice of ham and ONE slice of cheap cheese. After suffering that, we were then served chicken. That's one leg and one wing. With tinned vegetables and overcooked potatoes. No decent cut of chicken!! I left a lot of mine and instead awaited the dessert. I wish I hadn't bothered. Cr me Caramel, complete with tinned fruit cocktail and "gritty" cr me caramel. I took one bite and left the rest. The couple opposite didn't even start, and they were of the same opinion as me!! They also advertised "free flowing Sangria". Yep, CHEAP AND NASTY weak looking Sangria. I didn't bother, and instead settled for a soft drink to wash down what little I had eaten. I went to the bar and was "belittled" by the girl behind the bar. I ordered a diet coke, and she poured this from the pump instead of a bottle. When I sat down and started to drink, I ALMOST spat it out as it was so cheap and nasty. I also left this as well (which cost me 2 Euros). I went back and ordered a bottle of lager, as I couldn't really go wrong with that.

I sat back to enjoy the reps performing, but the evening started with some glammed up 40 (ish) female that looked very out of place in some shack of a nightclub. She was OK and sang well. Then there were the Spanish dancers/singers; loose use of the word "singers", as the girl MIMED through a rendition of Chicago's "All that jazz". That took us up to half way, and still no sign of the reps. The MC on the microphone had introduced the acts and then gave us a break of about 3 minutes, THEN the reps took to the stage. They were soo amateurish, but we all thought they were MUCH better entertainers than the previous 2 acts. Plenty of double entendres which sailed over the kids heads as they sat on the hard floor with a couple of kids reps watching for over 2 and a half hours!! Poor kids. It all FINALLY finished at 11:30pm with most of the kids dead on their feet having been there since 7:30; some bored to tears. All in all, it was a VERY poor show, and I would THOROUGLY recommend anyone thinking of going that they DON'T, as it was a TOTAL waste of money.

All in all I would give the Sa Caleta Playa Apartments about 6 out of 10. If I went back to Menorca I would almost definitely go to Cala n Bosch for the Marina and the close proximity of just about EVERYTHING.