Carcassonne, Trebes, The Guardian's House

Did it really happen? Yes, it did.

Carcassone House, A self catering G te with Swimming Pool, Carcassone, France

http://www.dom-de-beragne.com/

I, my wife and children have just come back from 2 weeks holiday at self-catering lodging detailed in the above web-site 4th-18th August 2007). As you can see from the photos on the web-site, the furniture and furnishings are attractive and I must admit the beds were very comfortable. However...

Swimming pool with garden

1st piece of misleading information. The swimming pool and garden lie within the confines of the proprietor's house on the other side of the courtyard and do not form part of the house you are renting. We chose this accommodation because of the option of a pool which we couldn't use.

Washing clothes

There is no washing machine or line to hang clothes. After a week I crossed the courtyard and knocked on the door of the main house, "Is it about washing clothes?"

"Yes" I said

"What about it?"

"How do we do it?"

I laughed inwardly, but realised later that this person wasn't impersonating Basil Fawlty; but was serious. They later solved the situation by offering to wash some clothes, but you shouldn't have to beg to have some facilities to wash your clothes.

DIY jobs in the house.

Features of the bathroom included a toilet which works on the basis of chewing up waste (as opposed to a flush system), exposed plastic water pipes and a shower door and door into the bathroom which open onto each other. After a week the toilet stopped working, we left the house and returned later in the day to find the owner screaming that one of our children had used child wipes and this had blocked up the system and they had spent hours repairing it whilst we were out. A sign was then left over the toilet with exclamation marks listing everything that could not be put down the toilet including kitchen paper and condoms. If your toilet can't take paper, may I suggest it's not actually a toilet. Oh, and by the way, if you seriously think this is a toilet why not warn beforehand!

DIY jobs outside the house.

The gates operated electronically except they didn't because if you pressed the button of the remote control the gates didn't always open first time and sometimes the gates didn't shut completely. On our last night we returned and couldn't get in. Out bowled the owners, arms flailing Basil Fawlty style. Sorry, but how many ways are there of pressing a button? Your gates don't work for goodness sake so please don't blame me.

These people were obviously a bit scared of being robbed, so they had some sort of ad hoc exterior lighting system which turned on and off intermittently as soon as it got dark. As we sat inside our house at night we had the impression that search lights were passing over our house. It's what we called the "Colditz effect". We weren't sure if they were expecting us to try and escape or not.

Invaded by ants.

We were invaded by ants coming through the kitchen on the ground floor and the bathroom on the first floor.

Patronising attitude.

My wife arrived with the children and I came a few days later. On the first day the owner decided to explain how the gas cooker worked to my wife. My wife is in her early forties has a university degree, speaks five languages, runs her own business and is a mother of two. This person decided that she was an eight year old child and spoke to her accordingly. What they didn't know then and probably still haven't worked out is that the cooker has an automatic flame. You don't need a stove lighter which was generously supplied.

The other owner tried to be friendlier. On the last day, however, they did pass a smirky remark about my son and did the usual treat you like an eight-year old when they scolded me for the electronic door incident.

They kept the deposit.

Well, of course they did. The justification being that a plumber 'would have cost hundreds of euros' and they had to fix it themselves. The only thing I don't understand is why don't they work full-time as plumbers themselves - they would make a fortune.

This brief summary of our experience is not written with malice. It is written so that other people don't have to go through what we did. My wife said after we had left the lodging that she was finally relaxing. That's not what a holiday is supposed to be.