Semiramis Village Hotel

The all inclusive drinks are limited, and strict time limits are adhered to; to the point of drinks being stopped mid fill once the clock reaches eleven at the Semiramis Village Hotel!

The Semiramis Village Hotel is situated between Hersonissos and Stalis and taxis to either resort cost approx €6. You can walk to the resorts in about 20 mins but we found this to be a bit of a trek in the heat of the daytime and we only attempted it once. It was a nice evening stroll though.

Here is the vital info:-

Rooms - Very basic with air conditioning as an optional extra of €6 per day (we were going to try it for one night to see if it was worth the expense but were told you can only have the upgrade if you pay for the rest of your stay). We were made to move rooms after the first week as there was a sudden influx of pensioners who needed a room near to the ground floor. The first room we stayed in had two single concrete based beds (very uncomfortable and only one pillow per bed) The room led onto a communal terrace to be shared with 6 other rooms rather than a private balcony as stated in the brochure. The second room was further up the hill but had a double bed and a private small balcony. Almost all the rooms have a sea view, shower, bath and TV (only one English speaking channel - BBC World Service). The rooms were cleaned every day with the sheets being changed every other day.

Pool Area - Kept very clean with plenty of sun loungers and a small kid's pool. Sea water pool but there were showers with freshwater to rinse off afterwards.

Bar - A disgrace to be frank. The barstaff were not exactly the most well mannered (unless you are a group of single females!) The all inclusive drinks were as follows , beer (not too bad) red or white wine (not too good) ouzo , raki or metaxa brandy (all three are okay in small doses but after one too many you'll never face them again!) Soft drinks were the usual - Pepsi, 7up, lemon and orange. That's it. Any other drinks are payable and the cheapest was about €4.

Food - Must be the worst all inclusive hotel in the entire world. Breakfast - Scrambled eggs, fried frankfurter sausage and tomatoes, cereals, or bread and jam (no croissants or toast) Lunch was Greek salads, pasta in sauce or tasteless burgers. Evening meals were 7 trays of food 1 salad bar and 2 types of fruit or ice-cream. The food was usually 4 meat dishes of stews, lamb chops and something unidentifiable. There was also plain pasta and olive oil. Between the mealtimes there was a toasted sandwich maker and a fridge with cheese and ham toasties or cheese with flecks of ham in it toasties. I forgot to add that the hotel is not at all veggie friendly every the scrambled eggs had ham in it. Chips were also an optional extra and were very nice but were €2 for a small plate. Zuzanna the Olympic rep has tried and tried to get the management to sort the food and drink arrangements out but has had no joy so far. This is a real shame because the hotel would be great if this problem was fixed.

Entertainment - There was no entertainment at all!!! The local shop must make a fortune from playing cards sales! Music was on at the bar if the bar manager was in a good mood.

Other info - There is only 1 lift in the hotel that goes to the first floor only, after this there are loads of steps and so the hotel is very unsuitable for the elderly or those with small children.

Gorty's the local shop at the bottom of the hill is great. Lovely people who make their own honey, wine, raki and olive oil. They also own the Zorba's taverna at the bottom of the hill and make some great meals, adjoining the taverna is a freshwater swimming pool that you can use free of charge.

The beach in Stalis is much better and less crowded than the one in Hersonissos but your may have to pay to hire the sunbeds. If you're missing home cooking the Robin Hood in Stalis is great value for money too.

Crete is a lovely island but the Semiramis Village should be appearing on a Holiday from Hell on a screen near your shortly!