My partner and I stayed in the chic Paris room on the 23/08/13 to the 25/08/13 for my birthday. I had read so many mixed reviews I was worried about staying as the reviews were so different. Upon arrival we were greeted by friendly, professional staff who checked us in quickly. We were shown around the hotel and up to our room. We chose this hotel as I wanted peace and relaxation. I travel on business and have stayed in some amazing hotels and usually if anyone is to complain it would be me but I honestly couldn't find any fault whatsoever. The room was amazing and spent the rest of the Friday evening drinking champagne in the hot tub. We did use the pool and I had two treatments with the beautician which again was amazing. The staff were polite, helpful and attentive. The lady on reception went out of her way to book us a restaurant and taxi for the Saturday evening and was ver friendly. Breakfast was delivered to the room with a surcharge (as in any hotel) and was presented lovely although I did not like the sausages the rest of it was a1. We went to the lakes on the Sunday after we checked out but my choice for this hotel was to relax with my partner and enjoy our time together not the area, although there is many places to go we chose to spend quality time together. This hotel is for couples who enjoy each others company and not those seeking a hotel to compensate for their relationship. I found the bad reviews are those expecting perfection for the price and those who do not have other hotels to compare to. We thought it was perfect and having spent upto £450 for one nights stay in hotels in London this hotel walked all over those. It really is for those who want to escape the outside world, turn your phones off and enjoy quality time with your partner. We have already discussed our next visit and would recommend this hotel to anyone.

Did I find anything positive about Aphrodites? Sadly, I couldn’t. You might say being there was like winning a glass of wine. Sounds lovely; until the realisation that you’re chained in a dungeon to drink it and there’s a slug in the glass. On the hot summer day we stayed, my simple pleasure would have been to enjoy the sun in the “garden area” between slipping in and out of the pool. I consider that a reasonable and fair expectation for my £130 night’s stay, wouldn’t you?. A double door and then another door in the glass of the spa were standing open with the garden on the other side of the threshold but with a ‘no access’ rope across. When enquiring how to get in the garden we were told to walk back through the lounge, through the dining area, back through reception, out the front door, through the car park and round the side of the building (where people on the street could look in). I was so incredulous I asked “can we not just go through here?” and a voice behind us interjected, “you can’t go through there”, continuing, in a dismissive tone that implied ‘it’s obvious and you must be stupid for asking’ “it’s a fire door.” It is not a fire door; a fire door is heavy and must remain closed at all times to prevent fire spreading. This was a patio door signed as an emergency exit (see images on website of the conservatory and gym areas). The instinct of a toddler understands every door is an emergency exit; the front door is an emergency exit, but clearly this isn’t to say it can never be used other than in an emergency, especially when it is already standing open and your ‘guests’ have paid £130 to enjoy what is on both sides of it. This was the first instant my partner and I felt disrespected and valueless as guests. In the ‘spa’, when my partner asked for the “relaxation corner with gentle bubbles” (described in the information in our room as a ‘jacuzzi’) to be turned on, the woman said “it’s not a jacuzzi, just a relaxation area” – it did nothing; it was mis-sold lies. The ‘sauna’ in the ‘spa’ was warm – maybe like a conservatory that’s had the full sun on it – but which is most definitely not a sauna. When I asked the woman if she’d show me how the sauna worked she came and quickly pressed a button before I could see her action – basically disregarded my request to have the controls explained. When queried about the temperature she relayed it was at the maximum allowed due to ‘health and safety’. A sign inside said ‘do not put water on the coals’. So fundamentally a wood lined warm room it not a sauna – it was mis-sold lies. Again. Then came the total destruction of our anniversary night... the information in our room stated ‘robes are available’ but when I asked I was told there would be a charge, but that towels were available for such use in the spa. Not perfect but ok. So now, to get to the sunny garden from the pool to sunbathe, I need to travel through the building, as directed, in my supplied towel. As I signed out of the area I checked with the woman (for she is not a lady) if it’s ok to keep the towel with me to come and go and she told me “You’re not allowed; it’s policy.”. This was not only annoying, as the literature boasts they “recognise the importance of the responsibilities to manage the environmental impacts of the activities” and yet would rather launder a number of towels when one would suffice, but also embarrassing as I now had to take off the towel. So, in indignation, I continued on my way to the sunny garden, in bathing suit minus towel, and made it two steps before an acrid, venomous voice spat “CAN YOU DRESS BEFORE GOING THROUGH MY RECEPTION!”. Imagine the horror! I felt like a Victorian child who’d angered nanny. I put on my summer dress right there and was so upset I went not to the garden but to our room where, but three minutes later, my partner entered with shock on his face after also being belittled. He described how the woman had stopped him upon return from the pool, and virtually interrogated him, with tangible disdain, because he didn’t have his shirt on; repeatedly demanding, to the same answer, not once, not twice, but three times if he “had come down like that”. Then followed a lasting, staring silence. She then hissed at him; “cover yourself up”. There was no instruction anywhere of a dress code in the place that was our home for the night, and neither did any staff make such point. How dare this arrogant woman set herself so high and mighty against paying guests when she runs what’s described locally as ‘the sex hotel’. Disgusted, we descended to reception and spoke to the woman about how terribly we felt she’d treated us. My partner is gentle, and I’ve never before ever known him raise an issue with anyone. She angrily denied any fault on her part, talked over us, said we’d “not listened to the rules”, that I was “aggressive” and “mumbled under my breath”. After paying £130 to be a ‘guest’, being lied to about the facilities, insulted and embarrassed in such a despicable way, I should think most people would consider ‘mumbling under my breath’ an understandable reaction and, as a paying guest, my every right. Our experience was ruined and we wished to leave. We asked for our fee back but the woman denied it to us. We stood there telling her we wanted to go somewhere else because it was our anniversary and it was spoiled and she denied us. As soon as giving our money back arose she finally altered her tone from sharp to sweet, patronisingly telling me to “take a few breaths”, “have a glass of wine” (not that it was offered), and ‘they could order us a taxi to town if we’d like’. Hateful. She hijacked our money, cheated us out of the “haven of peace and tranquillity” we’d paid for, would rather have miserable people under her roof hating the place and ruin their short break than have the grace to, at the last, make any kind of attempt to make the situation good. We’d only booked within the last 24 hours so little chance that trade would have been lost. We’d been in the building less than 1.5 hours. As a matter of interest; the next morning another member of staff had a great row outside our window, finished the shouting with “you can shove it!” and marched away. We couldn’t see to be sure but the second voice sounded like that of the woman. What a happy place. Other issues; Even if the emotional upset hadn’t caused my dreadful night’s sleep the continuous noises, as something like a boiler kept rumbling on and off, made sure of it. Also there was only a piece of voile on the skylight above the bed, no blind, so at 6am the bed was lit up and even just resting was intruded upon. We’d planned to pay the “small additional fee” for the extra 1.5 hours late check out but it was actually over 15% extra so we did not. The pool was cold. The fabric of the bedspread and headboard were tired, that of the cushion on the chair insulting, and the curtains cheap fun-fur fabric with neither lining nor hem. There were no blinds on the windows, which could be viewed into from the car park, meaning, unless the curtains stayed closed we would have had to make sure we were covered up moving around the room – the amour had been killed already but would have suffered with this privacy issue. The double sinks were cramped and could not be used as such – you couldn’t stand in front of one due to the box fixed to the floor as a step into the bath and the second was squeezed in so close to the wall with the towel rail on it that I scorched myself on it. The tea tray was like that from a greasy-spoon café and was placed hiding a hole in the wicker table. There was no light in the tiny sauna in the room, no water dish and it wouldn’t heat up – I didn’t bother asking for help with it as I couldn’t enjoy anything about the place anyway. The complementary biscuits in the tin were already open and stale. A super king bed is not right with only a king sized duvet on it. The sound proofing between rooms was terrible. We could hear voices and other sounds from neighbouring rooms – had our ill treatment not already killed our anniversary stone dead I would have felt uncomfortable being amorous with my partner knowing the sound travelled both ways. The times for using the facilities were restrictive – check in at 3pm, out of pool by 8pm and no entry to pool after 7pm. Firstly I feel 8pm is early to stop use of an expensive private spa but, beyond that, adding a last entry time of a whole hour before closure is simply unreasonable. Prohibited use of swirl baths between 10.30pm and 9am only means the sound proofing is inadequate. Avoid Aphrodite's Lodge. It’s a hateful place. We wished we’d read reviews before we booked.

good points nice location bad points dirty,taty,cheap and tastless decorations. bad breakfast the hosts (watch four in a bed total prats ) dont respond well to complaints would not recomend to the dead total dump very over priced would be ofended to pay over £50.00 go to a travel lodge better run and value for money

On arriving at Aphrodites Lodge, my wife and I were made very welcome by the staff, given a tour of the complex and shown all the amenities available to us. Our room was the Chic Paris Suite, which was decorated beautifully and had excellent features including a double spa, single sauna, double shower, lovely double bed and wall mounted flat screen TV. At breakfast there was plenty of choice ranging from cereals, fresh fruit, toast and a full English cooked breakfast. Situated approximately a mile from the village of Browness, my wife and I took a leisurely walk into Browness and enjoyed a pleasant boat trip on the lakes. We took our evening meals in the sister hotel and were made to feel totally welcome was provided with an enjoyeble meal. Although our stay this time was only for a couple of days I look forward to our next visit to this beautiful area of the country and will look to stay at the Aphrodites Lodge again. Well recommended to anybody looking for a good break away.

I booked this hotel as a surprise for my partner, we are both in our late 20s and i wanted something a little special and memorable. i booked the Victorian room and after doing so was concerned over the negative reviews....i had no need to worry!!!! The hotel was in an excellent position, could easily walk to Bowness and only £3 for a taxi to save wear-n-tear on those heels at night! Bowness has plenty to keep you busy and if you like walking head across on the ferry to the other side of the Lake where you will be more than happy with the amazing views and its much less "touristy" than Bowness side. when arriving at the hotel i nervously checked in, i was early and didnt expect the room to be ready, the receptionist was more than helpful and told me that the room wasnt ready right now but would be in half an hour, which would have still been half an hour earlier than i was expecting. we left the car at the hotel and walked into Bowness had a lovely afternoon killing time then arrived back at the hotel again to be greeted by another very helpful member of staff who showed us to our room and told us about the spa and breakfast arrangements then left us to enjoy the room! The room...beautiful! at the end of the day, you are booking a themed hotel...you can not expect expensive fitting, however the setting was very well done, the room was immaculately clean and very romantic! the hot tub was out the room, around the corner, yes, it was adjacent to the carpark BUT there is a fence up and apart from the odd passing traffic you wouldnt know, the only way you would have a private hot tub would be if it was inside...which is clearly not the point of a hot tub! the only negative was that the room was positioned right off reception...BUT it had a double door entrance and once the door was shut you wouldnt have known! both me and my partner loved this Hotel! and cant wait to go back!

the One thing I can honestly say, hand on heart, this hotel is the pits & it is not a luxury boutique...Those who gave the good reviews must either work there or only ever go camping

We stayed there only this week in the Cleopatra room & what a run down, grotty room it was. If any of you watched the idiot abroad it was a bit like Karls room in Cairo. Dirty looking carpet & rugs...stained bath base...stained (gods knows with what) sofa...junk ie  wine corks down the side of the hot tub...Hot tub cover must have weighed around 50kilos...PLASTIC GLASSES...no WiFi ( as advertised)or mobile phone reception...no phone in room...TV bracket would not tighten, so the TV pointed to the floor...No TV remote...chipped paint work...dirty silicone...light uplifters cock-eyed...the whole room is in need of a full refurbishment
They employ the rudest & most ignorant manageress I have ever come across (yes, you who resembles Norris's girlfriend off Corrie)...The young lad was ok though...
Breakfast was all good quality ingredients ie museli & a egg on toast...I had to pay an extra £5.00 for two frazzled bacon rashers, 2 chipolatos, half a tomato & 8 slices of mushroom.
What ever you do don't forget anything, my wife forgot her phone charger...believe it or not, they now want £5.00 of us before they'll return it, apparantely to cover their admmin, postage & packing fees.

This is a 100% true review, if you are the Owner I challenge you not to find the following points...