First of all, we're not that hard to satisfy, but we do believe in "managing expectations" and following up on promises being made when those expectations are not met.

Grange St Pauls Hotel, London, however, is being advertised as an "ultra-luxurious, five-star hotel" with high-speed internet in every room and a great place to relax, for business etc. etc. The location is certainly good, a stone throw from St. Paul's Cathedral. No issues there.

However... a 5-star hotel should first and foremost have a staff that knows what it is doing, and that is capable of handling arising issues in a friendly, professional and caring way. The staff in this hotel fails on all accounts.

Our list of issues:

1. Upon arrival at 3pm, an hour after official check-in time, the room was still not quite ready. As the hotel was far from full, it should not have been difficult to have a room ready.

2. Whilst we were told we got a room upgrade, the room had only one bath robe and no curtains(!)

3. When I arrived later, I was greeted by three members of staff at the same time in the reception area, I informed one of them that my partner had already checked in and that I knew the room number.... without a chance to ask for the elevator (which really was the only information I required), a member of the reception staff started a frantic digging for the keys under the reception desk until I repeated the information that my partner is already checked in and probably is in possession of both keys already... The reception staff said they could issue a new key, but the other one would stop working... I replied that I had asked for no such thing and that it would not make much sense now, would it? These misunderstandings are likely to result from the fact that more staff than not do not speak very fluent English. One would think a London hotel could find staff properly fluent in English, at least for the reception area? If it was not down to other-speaking staff, then maybe the bar needs to be raised for logic skills. A combination might be the ticket here to improvement.

4. The Wireless Internet was patchy and only worked near the door - not in the sofa area near the small window - this was established with two different Mac Book Pro/Air laptops which usually are excellent at picking up WiFi signals.

5. It was impossible to take an afternoon nap after a long journey due to drilling noises from the hotel's own construction site. At no point during the booking process were we informed this hotel was still being built on!

6. On Saturday morning at 8 am sharp, hammering sounds were heard, and at 9am massive drilling noises commenced. Upon again informing the reception about this and speaking to the Duty Manager "Royce", we were offered a complementary breakfast for the morning and Sunday morning. On Saturday, we could not have breakfast in the hotel due to other plans.

7. When going for breakfast on Sunday morning, the breakfast staff informed us it was not part of our package. After having to explain the situation again, we were given a choice of english or continental breakfast and assigned a table. One cup of coffee and tea was served, and it was long until we could get a top up. Meanwhile, the CBO (Chief Breakfast Officer) was busy patrolling the breakfast area and instructing staff who seemed to be new at doing this job.

The breakfast SELECTION itself was ok, offering a selection of dairy products, cereal, meat, cheese and fresh fruits. The service was poor, however, with a waitress asking for our preference of toast and then bringing the opposite, albeit burned beyond the colour intended. Coffee and tea top-ups were a hassle.


8. On Saturday night, a party was underway in the lobby and music was playing until about 1am. This is not such a big issue, especially compared to the drilling noises earlier and following this, but half-empty beer bottles and wine glasses were spotted in various places between the two building sections which make up the Grange St. Pauls hotel. These were seen at 10pm on Saturday, and still there at 11pm the following morning. Surely two dozen members of hotel staff must have passed this area and also seen this in the morning? I guess the CBM (Chief Bottle Manager) was not part of them, so the Grange bottle collector specialist was not aware of his duties.

Here's a hint Grange-Managers: Instruct your staff to care and take pride in their work place, everyone could help to make this place better. We're really talking bottom-rock-basics here!

9. In the hallway leading to our room, somebody's pre-night room-service dinner was sitting unattended for the entire Sunday morning as well. See above for a hint...

10. Between the time we checked in and checked out, there was no servicing of the room, no new towels, no bed being made. We did have the do not disturbed sign on the door until no longer than 11am on Saturday. The fire alarm did go off once on Saturday morning though - for no apparent reason or explanation by staff. Not that this compensated for anything, and it makes for a rather noisy alarm clock, but I though I should mention it.

11. When we were leaving and passed the second building's reception desk, we took up these issues with a lady named "Alina". I asked whether she is in a position to deal with this because I would no be paying the full bill due to these issues and hence demanded a partial refund. She informed me there was no problem because I had already pre-paid the room in full (!?!) - obviously that is not a problem to THEM, but for me it very much is. I asked for her full name which she gave me, although she was quick to add that she was only in yesterday. She further informed us that there were notes on our room and that only one duty manager could deal with it, and our "Royce" happened to not be there.

At this moment, we are still waiting for an email from the duty manager, but the fact remains that no matter what the outcome will be, this is by no means a five star hotel - maybe according to Burkina Faso standards, but certainly not to European ones.

This hotel has a good location and a chance to improve - by completely replacing staff and/or staff attitude. It would be advisable for them to do so before words get around that this is really only a 2-star service hotel in a 4-star reception area wrapping. NOT recommended!