West Midlands Safari Park Review

Perhaps renaming the park to the " west midlands gateway to he'll park" would be a more suitable title.

The animal park is absolutely hellish, during the drive round you encounter the best selection of utter tools that Kidderminster has to offer, people who block both lanes at the top of a hill So you sit there on a 45 degree incline while Barry and the rest of his shellsuit wearing family sit there in their clapped out ford grenada ghia, throwing sandwiches at the most depressed, mangy, flea bitten animals you have ever seen.
When you finally get to move, you and 20 other cars have a game of hillstart roulette because the bell end behind you has parked half an inch from your rear bumper and the slightest roll back causes a multiple car sandwich.
In addition, you get high from the cloud of exhaust fumes and smell of burning clutches as people with apparently no driving ability stop start and fail miserably to pull away.
Frankly they should built an ATS clutch and gearbox centre half way round, they would make a killing.
Then there's the total fist in his Toyota rav 4 who thinks he's ray mears and drives around the side of you So you can't see anything except his overfed kids gawping out of the window while his wobbling sweaty wife who looks like a pig wearing jewellery, pours a steady stream of chocolate into their mouths.
To be honest, the 5 million quid you have to pay to get in is enough to make you want to shout at everyone else on the park just so your own kids see every blade of grass to make it worthwhile.
I remember going there as a kid and it was £3:95, and the animals looked happy, it was exiting and the rides all worked.
Moving on to the actual park itself;
God almighty!
Imagine sitting in your pants in a river on a January morning eating a lard sandwich, it's pretty much as exiting as that, rude, miserable staff, (except Beth who sells the balloons, she was lovely and made us laugh).
There are two seals in a a tank about the size of a wheel barrow, a dark room that smells Like some kind of corpse which is apparently full of bats but they seem to have missed the fact that it's so dark you can't see the stinky little things, a seal show where the Chavily named "Callum" the seal waves his flipper while the trainer speaks So fast in such a mOnotone voice that you never really understand her and more stuffed penguin toys than you can shake a stick at.
The wrist bands are about the closest thing to being mugged that you can get, £11! so your effectively paying £25 for entry and the privilege of going on one decent ride.
Those rides for the record are the rustiest, shakiest death machines you could ever go on, coupled with the fact that nothing inside the main gate has seen a cleaning product for years, it ruins your day entirely.
Also, if you aren't fond of loud, raucous gypsies, don't go, the place seemed to be full of fat skin heads wearing more cheap gold than mr T and vests with gravy down the front,
With wives/sisters/cousins that have so much makeup and cheap jewellery on they look like a cross between a Thai lady boy and a collinder.
Apparently that's just Kidderminster?
To summarise, don't go, you will get home feeling like you have been sat in a 25 mile tailback on the M6 and spent the day walking round chav kingdom.
If you really have to spend the day in the midlands worst towns, Go to Dudley zoo, the blackcountry museum or a nice natural trust place, don't waste your money on the safari park, it's total and utter rubbish, no matter how exiting the adverts look.