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“Umm...while the message isn't necessarily "bad", it is...”

written by on 26/06/2008

Umm...while the message isn't necessarily "bad", it is weakly thought out. She refers to "men" and "human nature" but doesn't really get into actually developing what the hell she means. Also, the premise of the book is basically how to get "men" to like you. And then it proceeds to undermine itself with its advice, basically, don't show them you care. It is pretty simple minded, sort of like the advice a lot of guys get about girls in the high school locker room - from people who really don't know, but talk about girls they are not individuals.



It basically reinforces stereotypes..like, this is how men are, so this is how you need to act with "them". I think the reality is really more complicated and,at the same time, simpler. A relationship is between two individuals, so the way things go really depends on them. It is like a conversation. I think if you are cooking popcorn to make a point about power dynamics, you are already operating in an underhanded, adversarial kind of way. It doesn't have to be a power grab, but more of a friendship. I am not saying both people shouldn't be individuals and respect themselves, I am and do, and I expect whomever I date to as well.



There is something at least paradoxical about a book that says "hey! be independent" and then says, "this is what you need to cook him". Also, what is the girl supposed to say when someone breaks down the actions, and realizes that a power play is being made? "um..I read this book, so I thought I would just do what it told me to"...ok, well...now you are dumped. Also, it seems that in my experience successful relationships tend to have a lot in common, and not just intimate relationships. If my doctor or lawyer tried to make me "wonder where they were", it wouldn't last long. So, why would I find that desirable with friends or girlfriends? "Oh, she is playing mind games to make herself more desirable, wow...that is pretty lame..and..really...how insecure is she to alter her behavior like that?"



Basically, it is way to general, and, really, kind of offensive. I mean, imagine if the same book was written from a racial point of view. "when you say this, this is what a (insert race) person will be thinking, so then act like this". I mean, it is retarded. Being a guy, I can tell you, at least with me and my friends (decent, educated, professionals), we are not thinking about all this cloak and dagger crap, nor would we stand for it.