Lloyds TSB Offshore Banking Review

Overall Rating

They have ethics of a wheel clamping firm. These people are SCARY! The first time I applied to open an offshore account everything seemed to be going well, they requested the usual docs etc, then out of the blue, I got a letter stating my application was terminated, there was no reason why, instead they run a highlight marker over the small print, which read "...we do not have to give a reason as to why your application failed..." when I phoned up the call centre they said that because I signed the form with the small print therefor... wow I thought are these people for real, so you think that I would have washed my hands with them, oh no I was rejected, they must be able to pick and choose their customers to have that sort of arrogance, so I applied again 6 months later and was accepted.

The day came when I went to transfer nearly £20,000 from my Lloydes onshore sterling to my new Lloydes offshore US account. So I phoned up and was about to do the instant transfer (as you do with Lloydes) when the dull voice on the phone said because my account is a joint account (with my wife) I have to go to my local branch to get the instruction faxed with copy of my licence or passport and stamp of the bank branch, so after 45 minutes of phoning them to know what needed to be on the fax painfully frustrating learning curve for myself and the poor girl at the bank it was done.

So I rushed home and gave them a call to see if they recieved the fax. Yes we have it he replied, I said ok, you have over an hour before 12pm to do the transfer so I can lock in the current exchange rate, ok I will let them know, oh no (I thought) let who know?

The call centre is located in the Isle of Man but the transfer centre is on the Isle of Jersey, you see where this is heading? I phoned the call centre and he had the fax in his hand, he is in Isle of man, yes they gave the girl at the bank the wrong number, so eventually someone will get around to forwarding transfer instruction (fax) to Jersey, so the 1st question is when?

The 2nd question is when Jersey finally get the instruction, when will someone get around to actually executing the instruction? i.e. doing my transfer, which by the way is between two different accounts in the same banking system (i.e. after entering data and clicking ok - the duration of the transfer is probably probably 0.00001 milliseconds). A little slower than a google seach request I imagine.

So 25 hours later my money is still waiting there in ym sterling account, I phone up and I got another dull voice, painfully explained what happend and that we sent the instruction yeasterday morning, her reply was robotic voice mode set to extra dull/chalk on black board annoying - "you need to phone your onshore bank to check if they got the instruction"

Yes you read right, she didn't even bother lifting her finger to dial to see if Jersey had recieved my instruction and executed it, instead she wanted me to phone my onshore bank so she could get rid of me so she didn't have to risk chipping her new nail polish.

I rattled her pretty good, she used the standard call centre line when she had enough of me "sir if you keep shouting I will end this call" only I wasn't shouting I was still talking but slightly raised voice, but no where near a shout, then she hung up.

Finally I got through to another person and they said will go throught tomorrow morning. Thats when I started to smell something bad.

They had my instruction in front of them but they were waiting for something, and a simple deduction of logic will tell you what they are waiting for, they are waiting for the new rate for tomorrow, obviously they have powerful analyst software to tell them the pound was trending down, after 5pm I checked my account and bang the money had gone through, they picked the most optimum time when the pound was at it's utmost lowest level for 2 weeks (on a sharpe dip) and did the transfer locking in a nice profit for them selves as they would have stocked up on US dollar several days earlier whe the pound was at $1.66 when I was quoted the dollar was $1.64 when I got the rate they transfered me at $159 that was 200 pips below what they said I should have got.

Yes they took over 400 pips instead of 200, nice company eh? My trust in their organsation is a nerve racking zero, these people think we are stupid, and wouldn't notice hundreds of pips below normal when our money is tranfered, I'm surprised they are still in business, incredible arrogance to try and pull the wool over our eyes.

Right now I am terrified of keeping my money with these weirdos, I want to move my money out ASAP, I'm worried sick about having to transfer my money again out of my account, I will stock up on some hard liqour to calm my neerves, a truely terrifying experience dealing with Lloydes International Offshore.