Alton Towers Review

Overall Rating

Fun for all the family

Can be big queues

Staffordshire Alton Towers - I believe I can flllyyyyyy, I believe I can touch the skkkkyyyyyy.........let the story begin....

You wind your way through the little village that is Alton, admiring the countryside as you go, gasping at beautiful Alton Castle on the hill. You arrive at 10.00am and join the long line of cars waiting to enter the car park at Alton Towers, upon getting out you rub the backside that is inherently numb from the 3 hour journey. You then join another queue at the Monorail, a fantastic invention that will take you right to the gates of Alton Towers. You listen gleefully to the sounds of screams emanating from the park, then gasp as you see the new ride, the one that is called Air.

You alight at the Monorail and join one of the long queues to buy a ticket, scanning the boards, you notice that it is £23.50 for an adult (it would be £18.00 but for it being a peak weekend.) Or £33.50 for 2 days, not having kids with you, you seem to remember that it is £16.00 for 4 to 12 yr olds and the same for the disabled and OAPs. Children under 4 go free. Finally, entering the park and not needing the guest services where you can get an easy wheel buggy, wheelchair or make use of the lockers you proceed towards the rides, your view falls upon the magnificent ruins of Alton Towers and the beautiful lakes and views. However, you turn left towards the Skyride, those scariest of cable cars, seeing they are really busy you walk towards your destination.....Air.
You walk through Merrie England where the courtyard pub is, where everything is made out of old stone and the various stalls around, inviting you to knock down the bottles or toss a ring over a bottle to win a giant Winnie the Pooh or other toy. The food stalls start here, Friar Tucks Jacket Potatoes, McDonalds, an outdoor Barbecue, fresh doughnuts and more.

You carry on through to Katanga Canyon, spotting the Pizza Hut and KFC where you can get a slice of pizza, fries and a drink for £3.49, or a 3pc chicken KFC meal for £4.29. You can also join the Grand Canyon queue, a wet ride where you can spin in a round dingy through all sorts of wet adventures, the Runaway Mine Train, a small but very fast rollercoaster, you push on through Haunted Woods heading only towards the Forbidden Valley, thinking only of Air, you walk past Nemesis, Blade, Ripsaw, and there it is, Air, so is the queue, the virtual queue system has broken whereby you can get a ticket with an allotted time on it, you can come back at that time and enter as a priority, instead you are informed that it is an 31/2 hour wait. Dejected you turn away not willing to wait. You plan to be back very early tomorrow.

Instead you wait in the queue for Nemesis for an hour, with trepidation, you see the people flying above you screaming as they go round a course reminiscent of a H R Geiger landscape. Finally you make it to the entrance but decide to wait the extra 10 minutes for a front seat.
You strap in, double checking and double checking it is right as you hang there, then the floor drops and you clank upwards disappearing out of the sight of the crowd, then you round the corner and the floor drops away, screaming the seat tear sideways left and right round a curve and back again, another drop comes agin, under the ground and then up straight up round the outside of the big curve and around again, a few more turns and finally you stop. Its described as the world's most intense rollercoaster, you agree as your legs refuse to go in a straight line, heading towards the photo booth, you catch a pic of yourself screaming and decide not to buy.

Instead you go to the Haunted House, walking through the foyer with its spooky pictures and actions you decide to be brave and steel yourself, then potter round a sedate ride hearing lots of screams and spooky signs as big latex monsters jump out at you.

You head towards the restaurant and enjoy a rather overpriced sausage, chips and yorkshire pudding at £5.95 as well as £3 for a large Sprite.
You decide to walk to the next ride, a 5 minute walk to the Black Hole, it looks like a big black tent except for the screams emitting from it. You wait in the queue for 45mins, getting rapidly annoyed as the group behind you decide to smoke several joints and be general pains in the backside! You finally enter, your partner sits behinds you in the car and you start to go around in the dark and around and around, you pause and you realise you must be at the top, then a huge drop and more twists and turns, you realise why people are screaming as you are as well. Blinking in the sun, your partner comments on how he never expected that.
You move on to Enterprise where you enjoy five minutes going round in what looks like a huge egg which then lifts you vertical.

Again you go all the way across the park, which is a far way to enjoy a water ride, The Log Flume, another 45 mins, the log boat goes up and down a few wet drops, then comes the big drop, with the resulting water splash you stay relatively dry but chuckle at the ones who didn't.

Enough for that day, you head back to the car and a local Travel Lodge for the evening.

Waking early you intend this to be the day you fly, having bought you tickets the day before you head straight through the turnstile and towards Air, again the virtual Queue isn't working but its only a 90 minute wait, pausing occasionally for the technical problems that keep popping up. Finally you are there, you sit down, this time not only is the harness over your head but also your feet, you see Air is the worlds first horizontal rollercoaster, and you are the horizontal ones. You are tipped into a horizontal position and move to the top of the ride and realise it really is high up there! You hold your arms out in a flying position as you move towards the first drop......then you are away!! The G Forces are such you can't feel the seat behind you or the harness holding you in, amazed, you head towards the crowd below who watch open-mouthed as you pass about 20 foot above their heads. You go round a huge crowd and then turn onto your backs, flying along feeling completely weightless. After a few more turns you stop, not one is screaming, everyone is laughing at the exhilaration of it all, you leave still laughing and saying how amazing it was, you purchase a picture of yourself flying at £4.99

And head towards Oblivion, realising the queue is 90 mins long you decide to wait, then 5 minutes from the entrance it breaks down, with a carriage of people paused halfway up the huge slope before the drop. That's when you begin to feel a bit more nervous, pondering if it will do that when you are on it. Oblivion is the worlds first vertical drop rollercoaster, the most frightening looking thing in the whole park rising well above anything else. But you are there, going up that ramp, heading round the small curve towards the edge and then it starts to go really slow, is it going to break down again? But no, you carry on, you tip just over the edge and stop....facing straight down, going nowhere...for 5 seconds that seem like an eternity, that the hydraulics let go and you head face down into a big black hole in the ground but not before seeing it rush towards you. Back up again and round a curve and you stop. It takes about 5 seconds to go round the whole thing but dang was it worth it!

You decide to encounter Nemesis and the Black Hole again, and then Ripsaw, to get here you go on the Skyride, cable cars that pass over the whole of Alton Towers, high above the ground you get to see the whole park and pass over the many gardens and grounds that you can explore.
You sit on Ripsaw which is like giant long swing, which swings you backwards and forwards until you are high in the air and then rollers you over and over and over and then back to the top. Did I mention the water, oh no, you are then faced downwards and shoots of water come up towards you, depending on the operator they either shoot it straight towards you and get you soaked or stop short. Unfortunately you now have frizzy hair for the rest of the day.

Dead tired now you head towards the Skyride to go home, passing a group of young men who are busy drinking cans of Carling and Stella, as you pause to go to the toilet, of which there are lots around the park. You find they have passed you and have decided to urinate right by the path in front of youngsters and people walking past. Unfortunately there is not a security guard in sight, in fact you realise you have only seen three the entire weekend.

You decide to give the kids area a miss, too much Barney, Squirrel Nutty and ride around tractors for your liking. Hex, based in the Towers itself, a new mind over matter affair. The 3D cinema which is looking old and dated now and a hundred and one other things, mostly for smaller kids. You go through the goodies shop, passing the overpriced Barney toys, collecting some Cadburys chocolate on the way, looking at the packets and jars of Alton Towers confectionary, right through to the Ride-related things, like Air jackets, Oblivion caps, T-shirts, key rings, Black Hole toilet paper (I made that up by the way!), everything you can think of.

You think interested at the adverts for the new hotel and watered for next year, pondering about the Alton Towers hotel, debating whether you would pay those extortionate prices.
Looking at your purse, you despair at the moths flying out, next time you will take your own food as eating there can be a bit pricey, but that all things considered, £33.50 was money well spent for those 2 days. But next time you will book tickets 48hrs in advance as this means that you get to enter the park an hour before the general public.

You purchase your £2 parking token to get out of the car park, settle in and start the long drive home, the drive on the motorway lulling you to sleep as the radio plays.........I believe I can fly...

Members' Comments onEmma1973's Review

• Greentoastrack on 31st Jan 2007

  Nice and lengthy, although I felt that the emphasis was too much on telling the story of your visit to Alton Towers, and less on actually reviewing the park.